Ashamed

Zahava Edelstein Dr. Nancy Noonan Engl-1005-321 21 July 2013

Ashamed To go back in time and re-live a painful time in my life can be therapeutic or just plain embarrassing. I remember having fun in school, up until around the 5th grade. Then in the 6th grade something awful happened. I got really chunky around the time I started becoming a women. I had a nice pair of glasses, and as if that couldn’t be enough; I had braces to go along with that. I had no idea how to do makeup, and I had one big eyebrow, in the place that there is normally two. It seemed as if all my friends that I grew up with from 1st grade to 6th grade suddenly became my enemies, and I was quickly replaced by very pretty new girls that joined the school. I went from #1 on the best friend lists to last place. I somehow went from being loved, to being rejected and picked on. It wasn’t just one person; I remember everyone picking on me in my whole grade. Them calling me fatty; is something that will be imprinted in my brain for the rest of my life. I can recall the day the ‘pretty’ girls (Trisha, Kara, Rachel, and Deonna) were making fun of my name ‘Zahava’. They started whispering to the two most popular boys ‘Jason’ and ‘Peter’; then they all counted to three; while the rest of the class curiously watched; and started clapping all together. Clap, clap; Zom-bom-ba; clap, clap; Zom-bom-ba; clap, clap; Zom-bom-ba; the rest of the class quickly chimed in to the catchy tune. The teacher made them stop, but that was only the first time of a daily ritual that began for the next two years of my life I had gone to a private Christian school from 1st grade to 8th grade. I grew up very sheltered, only aloud to hang out with my friends from church and school. I started getting picked on at church as well. Then my parents decided to throw me in a public school in South Providence; a ghetto area; now that was a culture shock for my-self. I actually did starve myself, the summer after 8th grade, and quickly turned from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan. In the end I made a lot of the wrong friends, started doing drugs, and bunking school. I got beat up the 1st month of high-school, and was quickly scared to go to school. I missed 92 days of the 9th grade and dropped out before the year ended. I never did get to find out what homecoming was, or ever go to a school dance, and oh yes; prom. If I could go back and do it all over again I would. Getting picked on in grade 6th to 8th didn’t only affect then, but also affected how I acted at ages 14 and 15 in high school. I was so desperate for anyone to like me; that I made friends with everyone, all the wrong ones. I was so naive and innocent; it was as if the streets was waiting for someone like me, I just didn’t know it yet. I did end up getting my G.E.D; I actually passed right off the bat, without having to take any classes. So I know I am smart, and I would have been something great by now; had I had self-esteem, or maybe a father to build me up in life. I will be 30 years old in December, and I am just now sprouting wings to fly in life. I am now a strong woman, but it took a lot of abuse to be where I am now. If you could look into my eyes and see what I’ve seen, and If only I knew then what I know now….